LUCY AND ME

The last time Howard read a bedtime story to Avery, she chose a book about Lucille Ball. How wonderful! While I Love Lucy is iconic to my generation, I wasn’t so sure that Lucy would continue to remain relevant to future generations, timeless as she is. I was wrong. The next day, we showed Avery a few sketches on YouTube—the candy factory scene, Vitameatavegamin, Lucy on the ledge waiting for Superman. After many viewings in our lifetime, Howard and I still cracked up. So did Avery. Although we didn’t go into much explanation of Vitameatavegamin, even at 5 and lacking the boozy context, Avery thought that Lucy was hilarious. A great shared intergenerational experience.

My favorite episodes are the ones with starstruck Lucy. She and I could be sisters in that respect. Yes, I am starstruck. I know that stars are just human, of course, but there’s something larger than life about them. I can’t define it, but there's an appeal that goes beyond the mortal. I don’t know if I got it from Lucy or whether I’d be like that regardless. Nevertheless, when I see a star, an involuntary switch goes on. I don’t generally take full Lucy action—I’ve never pilfered cement footprints; I’ve never set my nose on fire after stalking a star. I just get that wild-eyed Lucy look on my face. That idiotic look got my children a wave from Ronald Reagan, got me into an argument with Howard and Cory over William Shatner, and caused Jeff Goldblum to bolt from an elevator.

We were on vacation in LA when Cory and Tracy were little. We had dinner at Trader Vic’s. As usual, I was the last to get out of our booth. Howard and the kids were way ahead of me. As I stood up, a woman at the next table said to me, “Your children are very well behaved. Did they see Ronald Reagan at the table over there?” She subtly nodded to a table right across from us. Reagan was having dinner with Nancy and another couple. As I stood up, that knee-jerk reaction happened. I knew I had that wild eyed look when I saw Nancy glare at me. I tried to be subtle, though there really is never any subtlety in a situation like this. I practically ran down the aisle and said to Howard in a choked whisper “Ronald Reagan is having dinner over there.” As I pointed to the president, the restaurant manager saw us. He walked over, picked up Tracy, took Cory’s hand, and walked them quietly down the aisle. Reagan gave them a friendly smile and a wave. I don’t know what Nancy did.

Shatner— A couple of years ago, we were in LA again, having New Years Eve dinner with Cory, and his fiancee, Judy. As we left, Cory and Howard walked ahead, while Judy and I strolled behind. She and I saw a man and woman sitting outside the restaurant. As we walked by, I did a double take. “I think that’s William Shatner!” I hissed to Judy. She took a much more subtle look and told me that the woman with him told him “I think that woman recognized you.” Judy and I, in a failed effort to be unobtrusive, did a kind of shuffle/run to catch up to Howard and Cory. They insisted that we move on. I think that Shatner wouldn’t have minded if I’d said a quiet “Hello” and told him that I’d been watching him forever and appreciated his work. I’m sure that he’d heard it before. But, sadly, a missed opportunity. I’m not going to listen to Cory and Howard any more! And I’m relieved that Judy’s okay with a curly haired, wild-eyed mother-in-law.

Jeff Goldblum—Howard and I were in a hotel elevator and saw Jeff Goldblum standing close by. When we reached the lobby, Goldblum bolted. I said to Howard, “He seems to be in a hurry.” Howard responded—“I think that you scared him.” Damn that reflex!

Suffice it to say that Howard was put off when I “ had dinner” with Glenn Ford in an Atlanta restaurant. Actually, I was seated with Howard, and stared at Glenn Ford across the room for most of the meal. And Howard saved Abe Vigoda from my Lucy self when he grabbed me as I reflexively started to chase Mr. Vigoda down a parking garage stairway.

All nice memories—at least for me. Yet the one that is most burnished in my brain is my adventure with Forrest Tucker. I was very young, fresh out of graduate school. One summer morning, as I strolled to work, I saw a man leaning against a building. Nothing exciting. But to my hyper charged brain, he looked like more than your average man. Trying to be subtle, I backed up. Though is there a subtle way of walking backwards, even if it was only a few steps? I looked again, trying to remain impassive. Forrest Tucker! Tucker had a long and notable career, though at the time that I saw him, he was a star in a not-so-great but popular TV show, F Troop. Tucker was tall and handsome. As I looked at him, I thought about what I should say. I came up with an idea—Do Nothing! He was absorbed in something, and I was in a crowd of morning commuters. So I walked on, Lucy-level excited. I had to do something—I’d call Howard! Remember, no cell phones back then, so no instant gratification. I rushed to work in record time. Howard was already at work. Lucky me—he had a pager. I paged him. He was in the elevator. There was a phone in the elevator. I knew that I must have sounded insane. Howard confirmed that. Breathlessly, I told him about Forrest Tucker. He sighed as he went patiently up and down in the elevator while I told my story. Forrest Tucker probably never had a more enthusiastic fan.

I could go on about my Lucy moments. But I think that you get the picture.

As I think about Howard and Avery reading about Lucille Ball, the memories come flooding over me. The times that restraint fell away, and I would get excited about someone who seemed otherworldly. Just little blips on the screen of life, but I smile as I remember the adventures.

MOVIE STARS ARE ORDINARY PEOPLE, BUT TO LUCY AND ME, A SIGHTING WAS ALWAYS AN ADVENTURE

MEMORIES OF TIMES GONE BY

A few days ago, I was driving in the neighborhood and noticed that the building that had housed Mapes has a new tenant pending. Who will that be? Another bank, another sushi restaurant? Just another business without charm or ambience in a building with a rich history of charm and ambience?

What’s Mapes? Mapes is a general store, family owned, having served the locals since 1897. When we moved to the area, they had several stores. Now, there’s only one. Mapes was a throwback to a kinder and gentler era, where service was prime and looking through merchandise was like walking through Fairyland. The local mantra—“You can find anything at Mapes”. I still have a thingamajig that pulls a snag on a sweater through to the other side. And my magic seam ripper to remove those pesky scratchy clothing tags without making holes in the fabric. When Tracy went off to college, we found her a screw driver with a flowered handle. I’m not sure why. I don’t think that she ever used it, but at the time, it seemed that she couldn’t start college without it.

There was a Mapes in the borough of Narberth, a local version of Brigadoon. I think that the old Narberth Mapes is a Thai restaurant now. And Bryn Mawr. That Mapes was in a building that had been The Main Point, where Howard and I had gone on our first date. The Main Point was a coffee house, where we saw Robert Klein and ate homemade gingerbread on that first night together. I can remember years later, moving to the area and driving to that building, after it had become Mapes, with Cory and Tracy in the back seat. Now young marrieds with young children, we were looking for basic home stuff—trash cans, light bulbs. That one building had owned a chunk of the history of our life together. Now it’s a furniture resale store.

The Mapes that closed a few months ago was in a building that had once been a supermarket. A resource for a community that needed all things quotidian, in a place that had charm. Amazon may be the new go-to, but it certainly lacks charm. Cory and Tracy could walk to Mapes with their friends to buy candy, toys, trinkets. It was a place where you could walk into a building with history, looking for something specific and also stumble over an unexpected find. Being helped by someone who’d had years of experience serving customers. None of that can be matched by the internet. It was far better than the non-experience of scrolling online.

But the best memory of times past, the one that consolidates everything that was good, happened when Howard and I went to Mapes the evening before a camp visiting day. We went to find candy and special odds and ends to bring to camp for Cory and Tracy. As we waited in line to pay for our finds, we found ourselves standing behind two boys. One was about 13, the other about 8. The 8 year old had a little football in hand, and a mountain of change to pay for it. It was obvious that he’d saved his allowance and that his older brother had taken him to go on an enchanted trek through the store to find the right treasure to spend it on. As we waited, a problem occurred. He was 12 cents short. The cashier stood and waited. The brothers looked at each other, stymied. Time seemed to stand still. What to do? Howard and I could envision the scenario of this 8 year old, saving his allowance, finally getting to walk to the store with his older brother, proud of having saved enough for that football. Miscalculation, and now—nothing. Howard and I looked at each other. We pulled out a dollar and went up to the boys. “It looks like you worked hard to save money for the football. May we help you?” The younger one looked to the older one. The older one hesitated. After a moment, he nodded to his brother and told him that it was okay. The little one handed the dollar to the cashier, who rang up the sale and gave him change. The older boy instructed him to give us the change. We told him to keep the change and use it to start saving for his next treasure. The older one hesitated. I said, “It’s okay. Someday, when you’re older, you’ll run into someone in the same boat, and you’ll remember this evening and help that person.” The boys thought for a moment, then smiled, said thank you, and walked out with the football. Howard and I enjoyed an experience that you can’t put a price on. That can’t happen with Amazon.

Driving by the site of that little adventure brought back that memory. The boys would be adults now. I hope that they had more gentle adventures together. And I hope that they remembered a very small favor in a very special place on a lovely summer evening and paid it forward.

BRICK AND MORTAR OF YESTERYEAR CAN HOUSE CHERISHED MEMORIES THAT CAN’T BE ERASED

WE NEED MORE OF THAT

EXPRESS DELIVERY

We’re starting to emerge from a pandemic. Everyone is trying to find their way. Howard and I found our initial awakening in a photograph.

Aside from missing all of the things that everyone missed over the last year —going out to dinner, seeing friends and family in person—Howard and I have missed museums and art galleries. Now that things are opening up, we found a very weird photograph in a gallery and decided that we had to have it. Why weird? 1930s, a severe looking woman holding a cigarette, but wearing a dress with flowers on it. The flowers juxtaposed against the severity of the woman’s demeanor make the image that much more interesting. We loved it. Or, rather, Howard loved it. She grew on me.

Arranging the purchase wasn’t so difficult. Dealing with shipping was difficult. The gallery was good about moving quickly and set up shipping through FedEx, next day, before noon. With the gallery being so efficient, with their having a relationship with FedEx, we thought that the transport would be seamless. It wasn’t. Nothing is seamless in our new bizzaro world. We’ve had our packages delivered to our neighbor’s address. Howard’s birthday card from Tracy arrived 3 months late, in a plastic bag, with the envelope, but missing the card. Gee, the Post Office can be creative. I’m trying to be patient, and I understand that the pandemic has caused real problems everywhere, but sometimes, I wonder if part of the snafus are creative sabotage. Maybe, maybe not.

We started to track our photograph. On the day of delivery, we saw that it was on the truck at 8AM, and Tracking showed us that it would be delivered before noon, as promised. Around 11:00, Tracking showed delivery by “end of day”. That’s not what we paid for. And we were concerned—not only did we have to stick around the house all day for a signature, but more important, was this not-so-easy-to-find photograph lost?

Howard called the FedEx Customer Service line. Long hold and never did reach a representative. I tried to escalate. I googled the phone number for the FedEx Executive office and reached an Escalation representative. She looked for the order number and told me that our package would be delivered by end of day. I already knew that. I asked for specifics. Apathetic, she told me that the delay was due to a delayed flight. I told her that the package was coming from New York. Continuing on the indifferent spectrum, Miss Feckless told me that severe storms were causing delays. I told her that there hadn’t been storms since last night. While I thought that storms and delayed flights could have caused a delay for everyone if packages from out of the area were to go on the truck, with our package initially showing as on the truck at 8AM and slated for delivery by noon, her response didn’t help at all. My inclination was to contact the gallery and suggest that they use another vendor for shipping—not a threat; for real. I told her that. More apathy. I’d wasted enough time and ended the call.

The photograph turned up around 2:15. Ultimately, this whole issue was annoying but not a really big deal. But, there’s a bigger problem. I was fed up.(FedEx’d up?) Too many snafus over too long a period of time. And what do I do when there’s a service problem? I go up the ladder.

Solving The Problem:

1) I googled more details about the Executive Office for FedEx. I used more specific search words—Executives; Contact Executives, etc.
2) I located the email addresses for 2 Customer Service managers. I emailed them about the problematic service, the apathetic Escalation representative, and let them know that I would try to work with the gallery to let them know about the problems and see if they would consider changing shipping vendors.

No response.

Howard thought that I was nuts to continue. But, I was on a mission. And how many people have had similar experiences and are silent? We’ve even had similar experiences, ourselves, yet I’d been silent, feeling that pandemic mode wasn’t a good time for consumerism. As you know, that isn’t me. But hey, these are weird times.

Next Steps:

1) Back to Google. I located more Executive names and settled on VP of Customer Service. Perhaps I should have started there.
2) I forwarded the Customer Service Manger email that I had sent earlier. This time, it went to the VP. Within 2 hours, I received a call from a representative in Service Recovery.
3) I explained the problems—Inability to reach anyone in standard Customer Service. Operational issues—Expedited shipping was a paid for and promised service that was not delivered. The Escalation representative was awful. And the CS management team was unresponsive. The Service Recovery rep was interested in all of the issues. And, Surprise!—she had already asked that the Escalation supervisor pull my call with the apathetic Escalation rep before Service Recovery called me. This gave me confidence that my issues were being taken seriously. I’m sure that the Escalation rep was sitting at her desk, continuing to fail to do her job, thinking that she was immune from any scrutiny. I would have liked to have been a fly on the wall when her supervisor spoke with her.

What did I accomplish? The Service Recovery rep now knows about the service problems that were evident in my specific problem and can attempt to fix them. She could deal with indifferent staff. And I now have the contact information for this effective and responsive management representative in case there’s a problem that warrants escalation in the future.

Well, I’ve got my mojo back and I dealt with a problem.

EVEN IN ODD TIMES, BEING A VOCAL CONSUMER GETS RESULTS

JUST BITCHIN'

Waking up to a dreary day shouldn’t be a problem. For the last week plus, the weather’s been sunny and lovely. I guess I shouldn’t complain about a dreary Monday. But, I feel the need to complain, so…

The day became one filled with minor aggravations. Dealing with house “stuff” is always a pain. When I called for the annual plumbing inspection, I asked for our favorite plumber and a first appointment, 6 weeks in advance. The scheduler said that he could only give me an 8AM-12PM window. Although I told him that they’ve always honored my first appointment request, and this is far in advance, he hemmed and hawed. So, I did my usual “Mauree”—I asked for the manager. He put me on hold and returned in under a minute. He’d asked the supervisor, who okay’d my request. One aggravation behind me. Not a big deal, but it could have been smoother. A dreary day experience.

Howard looked outside. Our pool cleaning equipment was stuck again. And we just opened last week. This cleaner is a cute little device that runs around the pool bottom, sucking up dirt. Cory named it Ralph. It’s our only pet. Avery loves Ralph and is very protective of him. When we closed last year and she saw the pool cover, her quick response: “Ralph can’t breathe!”. I explained that Ralph goes on vacation when we close, and he’s happily sitting in the garage, breathing and waiting for next year. But now, he’d eaten his tail——for the umpteenth time in less than a week. Howard, exasperated, went out to fix him. Howard called the pool service. Mark and Matt will take care of Ralph. They’re so good that I wish I could clone them to service all house needs. But, today, another dreary day minor aggravation.

I think that we have a giant condor living somewhere on our property. Our property’s not so big, so I don’t know why we haven’t seen him. We just know that he’s here because he leaves his calling card everywhere. Bird poop on the shutters, on the trash cans, on the driveway, on the mailbox. Today, we noticed his significant and onerous gifts. Howard took the hose to the driveway and shutter. I wiped off the mailbox. I guess the good news is that when we see that he’s anointed our property, it means that summer is here. But still, aggravation on a dreary Monday.

It’s time to renew prescriptions. Howard called to see if they were ready. Walgreens had a recording—they were closed. At 10:30 AM? Weird. He called another Walgreens to check on store status. The other one was closed, too. We finally reached them about an hour later. The associate giggled and said that the company had thought that it was Memorial Day, although it’s really next week. HaHa! (Come on, Mauree—mistakes happen.) I long for the days when Howard and I just took a vitamin. Now, as we age, we require a variety of drugs just to get us to status quo. At $600 plus in copays, status quo is expensive. One more dreary day aggravation.

Now, for the good stuff—donuts—the 6th essential food group. With COVID, we order online and pick up at the drive through. There’s always the question of whether they’ll get the order right. One time we’d ordered and arrived to find that there were no donuts. Someone had bought 12 dozen and cleaned them out. What kind of gathering requires 144 donuts, especially in COVID status? We keep them stocked in the freezer, but even we don’t stockpile that many. Then there was the time that they didn’t have what we wanted, so found that they’d substituted flavors that we didn’t like. But today, they got it right. After life returns to normal, I don’t think that we’ll order food so much. Too many opportunities for errors. Anticipated errors on a dreary day, but found a dreary day surprise.

More in the world quotidian. Now that it’s warmer, it's time to determine whether the BQ Basement snafu last fall had caused a permanent problem. Yep, the humidity’s too high. We need a new de-humidifier. While we’re lucky to be able to feel more confident with our heating service handling it now, it’s still underwear money. Howard and I call money spent on maintenance and not-fun-stuff underwear money—just a necessity. More dreary day stuff.

Now, my car. I needed a tire, so changed my June appointment for maintenance/inspection to today. Well, at least they could accommodate me. And, I talked them into a discount. But still ended up with an $800 plus bill. More underwear money. But, the good news is that I have a nice new tire, they vacuumed my car carpets and had the car ready within a reasonable time frame. Dreary day, high spending, but lucky to catch a little break. Trying to look on the bright side.

Why am I complaining? Because I hate dreary days. I hate necessary drudgery. But, I need to get over myself. The details are annoying, but the big picture is good. Howard and I have each other. We have our family and our friends. We’ll have Avery and Emilia visiting this weekend, and Cory will visit this summer. We’re better off COVID-wise this summer than we were last summer. Count your blessings, Mauree, and stop complaining.

IF THE BIG THINGS ARE IN PLACE, ALL’S GOOD.

BUT THE LITTLE THINGS CAN STILL MAKE YOU CRAZY

JUST REMEMBER TO PUT THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE, AND YOU’LL BE OKAY

A GRANDMOTHER'S JOY--THE WONDERFULNESS THAT IS AVERY

During the summer, I wrote about Avery’s formula for world peace. Well, things continue to evolve. She just turned 5 last week and now has a 3 month old sister, Emilia. It’s been difficult not to see them during the pandemic, which tempers the joy that they are with the sadness that’s around us. But, as we think about Avery evolving, Howard and I continue to be awed and amused.

Wedding Plans—They’re on hold since I wrote about them this past summer. Avery has a new suitor (for lack of a better word, though using it makes me sound like I walked out of a 19th century novel). I don’t know if it’s the change in her boy friend, the limits of a pandemic, or the fact that Avery always has many types of plans churning in that amazing brain. But there aren’t any current wedding plans. She’s moved back a step. Now, the plan is to bring him to meet us when COVID is over. (Sadly, she understands the constraints of the pandemic.) But, she is still a planner. She’s already asked him if he would eat peanut butter and chocolate chip sandwiches—one of her favorites among my specialties. And, she’s warned him that he’s going to have to be careful with all of the glass in our house. I try to imagine how this played out—was it a lecture, an interaction, a lesson? Whatever it was, she’s still planning.

The Decisive Child—In nostalgic moments, Howard and I think about being with her for her birthday last year. Taking her out to the local diner is always an adventure, the best part of which is dessert. As we walk in, she eyes the dessert kiosk for a short moment. At dinner, she sits with me. When we’re ready for dessert, she slides under the table to Howard, takes his hand and they walk back to the dessert kiosk. She leads and never gets lost. She only needs a few short moments to make a decision. She points decisively to a piece of cake—no hesitation-- and Howard places the order. When they return to the table, she has an idea. “We need three pieces.” I look at her, eyebrows raised. The one piece is the size of her head. “No, Avery, I think that we wouldn’t be able to walk out if we each ate such a big piece.” She’s okay with that. But, hey, it was worth a try.

The Consumerist—On that last birthday visit, we took her out of pre-school for fun grandparent time, which included pizza. We ordered the Medium pizza. It arrived, ample sized and looking good. We thought that she’d be fine with it. The waiter walked to the next table. In her most indignant voice, Avery broadcasted—“We ordered a MEDIUM but this is a LARGE MEDIUM!” My little clone—it has to be right or else… The waiter, patient and good humored, gently explained that this was a Medium pizza. Howard and I explained the nuanced discrepancies that can occur between pizzas. She thought for a moment and decided that she didn’t need a manager.

The Sensitive Child—Special after dinner treat—hot chocolate. We had bought her unicorn hot chocolate, which means colored marshmallows. Howard and I were full, but wanted to share a special moment. I told her that he and I would share a cup, and that she can have our marshmallows since I can live without them and we know that she likes them so much. “But I want it to be special for Grandpa”. Nothing could have been more special than that moment.

The Hard Headed Child—Introducing new foods is not easy. We had gone to the farmers market. We let her pick out dinner. She wanted salmon. She and Andy, our trusty fish vendor, spent quality time choosing the right piece. Next, over to the vegetable stand. She wanted green beans. I told her that Grandpa likes pea pods. She still wanted green beans. I had a good idea and taught her the all-important “C word”—Compromise. Let’s get green beans, and she can try pea pods, too. She hesitated, but agreed. When I started to trim the ends, she decided to go nuts, ran upstairs and sulked. It took a while to explain that this is what I usually do, but I, too, can compromise, and can make the rest without trimming the ends. That was okay. And, she liked them. She asked Tracy if she would buy pea pods. Small victory for Nana.

The Fashionista/Jewelry Lover—I love jewelry and love to design it. One day, I walked into Neiman Marcus, wearing a necklace that I’d designed. The jewelry manager offered me a trunk show on the spot. I find special elements and create the design, then send everything to a wonderful jeweler in Virginia for fabrication. Unfortunately, we didn’t have enough pieces to do a trunk show. So, that one will be on my epitaph. But Avery loves my designs and says that I’m “the best jewelry maker in the whole world”. I haven’t introduced her to Cartier yet, but I revel in her idolatry. I started her with jewelry at a very young age. When she was only 6 weeks old, she would fall asleep on my shoulder, her little hand clutching my necklace. And so it’s continued. She wears a necklace almost every day. Her favorites are the ones that I designed, but she’s also started to make some out of jewelry kits. I told her how sad I am that I can’t find elements so easily now because of the pandemic. She showed me some plastic gemstones from her kits—good choices. She started to carefully wrap two pieces and says that I can have them——to make something for her. That works for me.

One day, she had chosen a dress, put it on, and looking in the mirror said, “I look so chic”. That’s so true! I asked if I ever look chic. She replied that I do, but I’d look more chic if I didn’t wear black so often. I explained that black is very chic, and I wear it so much because it’s great for jewelry. She looked at me intently—she definitely understands.

The Instructive Child—I thought that Avery would find a hard luck Cory story amusing. Cory took his dog for a walk. Bowie accidentally stepped into a muddy area and came up with more mud than I could imagine. Poor Cory had to give him a bath. Bowie is the hairiest dog in the world. He wags his tail and you could make a wig out of the hair that flies. Imagine this bath—hair, mud. And Bowie hates baths. He cried and shook the mud all over Cory. When I told Avery about it, she didn’t believe me. She informed me that cats don’t like water, but dogs do. Where did she learn that? And what do I know about animal preferences? So, I decided to teach her a more valuable lesson. I explained that there are exceptions to every rule, and Bowie is the exception in this scenario. She looked at me as she did when I explained my preference for black clothes. Let’s see if she incorporates this lesson. I know that I learned about dogs, cats and water.

IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS THAT CREATE THE BIGGER PICTURE. WE LOVE THE BABY THAT SHE WAS. WE’RE FASCINATED AND ENCHANTED WITH WHO SHE IS NOW. WHAT WONDERS WILL WE HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO?

SMALL BUSINESS--A SUREFIRE WAY TO RESOLVE A PROBLEM

For those of you who read my last post, WATER, WATER EVERYWHERE, here’s a coda on dealing with problems with small businesses. 

In my last post, I had mentioned that a contractor who had installed a drain for an earlier water leakage problem came back to look at our de-humidifier. The technician barely looked at the unit and simply recommended installing a new one. Disappointing. Is this the new business plan for an operation that we had used and that had been recommended to us by our trusted but retired waterproofer? Or did we have a renegade, incompetent or avaricious technician? 

We then decided to try one more company that had been recommended by a couple of friends who had been using them for similar services and had been satisfied with the outcome. I called and explained the problem: We have a de-humidifier, only 5 years old. It’s unclear that it's working properly, and we need to assess whether we need a new unit or whether our current one needs repair. In calling this company, we wanted to decide how they compare to other companies from whom we were obtaining estimates. Would they be the best choice to evaluate the issue, and if needed, to perform service? The operator immediately transferred me to Sales—the appropriate department, since we weren’t at the commitment stage yet. I had been very clear that this was an initial assessment/decision on choice of contractor issue, not a call for a service. When I spoke with Sales, they told me that they could come out, and that there would be a $79.95 charge, which could be applied to a new unit. Hey!!!!! I wasn’t committing to using them nor was I committing to a new unit. We were looking for their opinion and would then decide whether they were the company that could meet our needs. I explained that, but Sales wasn’t budging. I asked for a manager. The manager gave me a sketchy answer that their practice was to install a new unit, but if that didn’t solve the problem, they could remove it. Really????!!!!

Since both of these companies had decent reputations and had some positives in the past (the first with our prior experience, the second with our friends’ experiences), Howard and I decided that we needed to find out whether either company would be a viable option but simply had a few off-center technicians, or whether they were predatory and useless to us.

First line of action is usually to go to a manager. I started with the second company, considering their off-base Sales response. I asked for a manager. Asking for a manager can be productive or useless. Sometimes you simply get someone who simply sits next to the person answering the phone. Or you may get a low level manager. Or someone who simply parrots the people to whom you were originally speaking. On this one, I reached a woman parrot. She totally didn’t get the problem. What’s next? The owner.

It’s often difficult to reach a business owner. Receptionists can be overly protective and will often grill or stonewall you. But, I have a magic surefire way to get to an owner:

RECEPTIONIST: “What’s the problem? Maybe I can help you.”

ME: “I’m having a problem with your company, and I simply want to extend the courtesy of a discussion with the owner before I post negative reviews.”

The receptionists immediately changed tone. And this happened with both companies. “Oh, thank you for reaching out. Mr. X is out, but I’ll have him call you as soon as he returns.”

And I did receive a return call from each of the owners in under an hour. The first company owner even apologized for not calling sooner, pretty much apologizing for having been at lunch. Both business owners understood what I was saying and agreed that their staff wasn’t handling the situation appropriately. The owners agreed to talk to the renegade staff people. And, both gave me their direct contact information for any future needs.

A bad review is a killer to a small business. And I was clear that I was serious. My tone, my words—I made it clear that I was promising, not threatening. Assessing both owner responses, tone of voice and substance of discussion, I felt that both were sincere.

DON’T SETTLE FOR THE WRONG ANSWER. USE THE POWER OF REVIEW TO GET TO THE HIGHEST LEVEL

WATER, WATER EVERYWHERE

For anyone who’s owned a house, the rule of thumb is that there’s going to be water somewhere where it’s not wanted. Whether it’s a leaking pipe or water in the basement, I don’t know any homeowner who hasn’t had a water problem. Our exterminator says that there are two kinds of homeowners—the ones who have termites and the ones who are going to get them. Water is pretty much the same.

Years ago, after having finished our basement, including having the walls coated with water repellent sealant, we found that water started to invade anyway. At that time, we found a seasoned expert waterproofer. His grandfather had come to this country from Italy to work as a stonemason, part of the construction crew at Princeton University. He created a waterproofing expert in his grandson. Tony was honest, super-competent, and proud of his business. He and his men dug a trench around the entire inside perimeter of the basement, put in a sump pump, and we were set. Until a few years ago. Walking downstairs in socks, a friend asked if we’d had the basement carpet cleaned. I smiled—wow, it looks better than I’d thought. Wrong! She was stepping on damp carpet. And so it began again. We called our trusty waterproofer, only to find that he’d retired. Well deserved, but disappointing. Although he referred us to another waterproofer, we found that this one had retired, too, and a younger, less experienced crew had taken over.

***GENERAL RULE OF THUMB—Sadly, unless an experienced professional has trained dedicated family and brought them into the business, it’s really difficult to locate skilled professionals with integrity like those we’ve used in the past. So, Angie’s List or not, finding competent experts to resolve home problems isn’t easy. So, how do you do it?

1) We went to the local Home Show and talked to waterproofing businesses. Of course, we were dealing with Sales people, so took that into consideration. But, we told the reps about our history and remedies, our current problems, and asked specific questions about additional remedies.

2) We looked at Angie’s list, Home Advisor, Yelp, Google, and other sites for reviews.

3) We called a few waterproofers and asked for specific client references. We called those references and asked specific questions about company professionalism, specific remedies, and other questions that would give us insight into company integrity and competence regarding our specific problem.

4) Howard hit the online directory and located a few contractors. He did his due diligence with specific technical questions. Howard’s more technologically savvy than I am, and can assess the details better than I can.

Much angst. We found that we needed a gutter diverted. That was easy and inexpensive. We used a great roofer whom we had dealt with before—lucky break. We also had to have window well drains put in by another company. The most important part—our glass block windows were leaking. How would we have known that when the house was built 35 years earlier? The builder had taken a shortcut, and used standard sized windows, adding wood to fill the extra space? The wood had started to deteriorate and caused the bigger part of the leak. I guess that 35 years isn’t bad, but, if it had been done right to begin with, it wouldn’t have been an issue. Good thing that the builder was dead, or I would have killed him. With all of his careful screening, Howard simply stumbled over the glass supplier to local builders, and Gene, the owner, obviously knew what he was talking about. Problem fixed.

But, early on, in our attempt to rectify the problem, we contacted the company that had installed our de-humidifier. The assessor walked into the house, barely listened to us, and told us that we needed a new trench to the tune of around $10,000. We already had a trench that was working. BQ Basements—really!!!!???

Having lost faith in BQ, we decided to forgo our annual de-humidifier inspection, not trusting that their 10-15 minute visit at $100+ would be worthwhile. Mental note to find another company to service our de-humidifier.

Opportunity knocked at a Home Show. We saw BQ. I went up to the rep and told him about the attempt at sleazy sales with the unnecessary trench. He seemed attentive—but then again, remember, he was there to sell. Surprisingly, I received a call a few days later, offering that year’s inspection without charge. So, they came, spent 10-15 minutes, and left, everything okay and no charge.

Having a contact person, and looking at annual inspection this year, we decided to have them inspect again. However, I called about charges. The normal charge is $125. I pointed out that for 10-15 minutes, $125 seemed high. He noted that the only equipment that they had installed was the de-humidifier, and offered to charge $50. That seemed reasonable. I did ask for an experienced technician, since we’d seen some of their motlier crew in the past. Since everything seemed simple and straightforward, we didn’t anticipate a problem. Little did we know.

The technician had only been with the company for a year. But, for something simple, on what seemed to be a problem-free unit, we shouldn’t have had an issue. Again, little did we know. Howard and I thought that the tech was spending too much time in the basement. Although we hadn’t had any problems, Motley Crew Guy told us that we needed a compressor. Howard went downstairs and showed him why we didn’t need a compressor. Motley Crew Guy was downstairs for a few more minutes, and said that we needed a sensor. Ok—skeptical, but what did we know? We should have known. He asked for full payment. NEVER DO THAT. We gave him half, but on a credit card, so that if there was a problem, we could put the charge in question. He also gave us a bunch of baloney about possibly taking 6 months for delivery. At that point, we didn’t care. The unit worked for now.

Two days later, we received an early morning call from BQ. The sensor was in and they were on their way over. When I had spoken with the company after the first visit, I expressed concern about tech’s apparent lack of experience. This time Motley Crew Guy came with another tech, who had been with the company for over 10 years. Sounded good. Wasn’t good. He was another sleaze. They put the sensor in, and the unit, which had been working, stopped working. I went crazy, got to the Operations Manager, who blithely said that after 5 years, we probably needed a new unit anyway. AHHA!!! SURPRISE! THE REAL AGENDA! I did get him to refund what we’d paid for the sensor, and told him we’d think about it.

In the meanwhile, we decided that we’d never deal with BQ again, and called the waterproofer who had installed the drain a year earlier. He barely looked at the issues, and simply tried to sell us a new unit. We went to our heating/cooling service, who, unfortunately, hadn’t been doing de-humidifiers when we put the original unit in. But they do them now. We had our regular trusty tech come out, and he had a few thoughts about possible fixes before we’d have to go to a new unit. So, we’re in process and feel more confident in the hands of a known and honest business.

WHAT TO DO AND WHAT NOT DO WHEN YOU’RE DEALING WITH COMPLICATED TECHNICAL ISSUES

1) Start by trying a trusted company you’ve used before. Even if they don’t handle your type of problem, they may have referrals to the type of companies that you do need.

2) Try Angie’s List and other review options, but when you decide to consider a company, ask for references and ask specific questions about reliability, problems, details, etc.

3) Don’t take anything at face value. Do your due diligence, and get on the internet to look up all details regarding your problem. Obtain as much information as you can, to see if the tech makes sense.

4) Remember——many contractors incentivize their staff by paying them more when they sell high ticket items. Be very wary when they seem to try to oversell.

5) Also, remember—when you’re stepping in these waters, you’re in uncharted territory.

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU’RE BEING SLEAZED?

1) Get to the highest contact in the company and tell your story. Assess whether they support the sleaze or whether they’re unaware. That information will give you insight into next steps. If they’re unaware, you can provide information to fix and avoid problems for future and for others. If they’re aware, that’s another story. Move on to other companies, and write reviews of negative experience on all appropriate sites. (And, when you’ve found a good company, don’t forget to write a positive review—-but not until after all work is complete.)

2) When possible, if you’re at a Home Show, go to the company booth and tell your story—preferably when there’s another potential customer close by. You can save someone else from the aggravation you’ve experienced. Not to mention the dismayed look on the Home Show rep’s face. I’ve done it in the past. It was amusing to watch the potential customer scurry off. Not to mention that it was amusing to watch my family pretend that they didn’t know me.

I guess that another option is to live in a tent or a cave. Unfortunately, that wouldn’t work for most people.

WATER, WATER EVERYWHERE,

AND ALL THE BOARDS DID SHRINK

WATER. WATER EVERYWHERE;

BQ YOU REALLY STINK!

(Apologies to Samuel Taylor Coleridge—The Rime of the Ancient Mariner)

IN THE VOICE OF A CHILD--THE PATH TO WORLD PEACE

Our daughter, Tracy, put her phone down for a moment. 4 year old Avery seized that moment. She picked up the phone. After she took about 20 selfies, she got down to business. Her mission—to spread the word on how to achieve world peace. In her words:

HELLO. I’M AVERY.

AND THIS IS MY SHOW ABOUT ANYONE IN THE WORLD.

LOVE, AVERY

SINCE YOU DON’T NEED TO FIGHT ABOUT ANYONE

THAT’S A DIFFERENT COLOR THAN YOU

YOU CAN JUST SAY HELLO

AND WALK

IS THAT A PROBLEM? OR NOT?

IT’S NOT!!!

JUST CALM. AND DEEP BREATHS. AND BELIEVE!

AND YOU WOULD BE SO NICE!

It’s a very simple formula—the differences between people don't matter. We just need to embrace the differences and do what’s right, so that everyone can get along. Is it simplistic? Yes. Does it make sense? Absolutely! We should all take a tip from the voice of innocence. If a 4 year old can see a solution so clearly, why can’t adults see it? Avery’s answer—they can.

POLITICIANS AND PUNDITS, ORDINARY PEOPLE—DITCH YOUR EGOS AND AGENDAS SO THAT WE CAN STOP THE MAYHEM AND COEXIST PEACEFULLY

FINDING GRANDPARENTS AND ODDBALL OBSERVATIONS DURING A PANDEMIC

It’s been difficult to find interesting things to do during this pandemic. On many mornings, I wake up and think that we’re going to go on a day trip—tour a museum, go into a quaint town like Lambertville, NJ and find an interesting place for lunch. Then I remember—can’t do it. So, Howard and I just figure out each day as we move through this empty summer. And things that I wouldn’t notice otherwise become more pronounced when there’s nothing much to do. So, what have we observed during this oddest of times, and what can we do to keep busy?

Some unexpected observations—

Hills— We walk pretty much every day, mostly in the neighborhood. Did you know that stretches of road that feel like nothing when you drive become hills when you walk?

Tuna Drainer— Years ago, we used to go through the Miles Kimball catalogue. They have all kinds of cool and weird items, some useful, some just plain silly. Years ago, they had an umbrella hat. Maybe it isn’t as funny when you don’t see the picture. But imagine a picture of a man with a band attached to a mini-umbrella around his forehead. It's really pretty amusing. We never bought the umbrella hat, but we did buy a tuna drainer. It’s a round disk with holes. It fit perfectly into the tuna can, so you can turn the can over, press the drainer into the contents of the can, and all of the liquid would drain. And, an added perk—you can fill it with ground beef to make hamburgers. We never did that, since the hamburgers would be too small. But still, the perfect kitchen tool. Like everyone else, we’d stocked up on canned tuna when we went into pandemic mode. Imagine my annoyance when I found that the size of the can is now smaller. Less is more. Now, the drainer no longer fits in the can. Damn! As with too many things, we didn’t throw it out.  You never know if there could be another use for it. Which is why we can never really declutter, even during all of the down time that’s the unexpected benefit (or, more like curse) of sequestering.

The Egyptian Sphinx—I now have a better understanding of the design. Before the hair salons opened, Howard and I decided to trim our hair. Of course, mine was more complicated. When we trimmed the back, I realized that my stylist layers it. Of course, I don’t have that skill set. So, cutting straight across the bottom made the hair hang in a sort of trapezoid, like the “hair” on the sphinx. I’ve now bonded with the sphinx.

Perry Mason 1950s/60s—Howard and I love the twists and turns, and are generally amused by the often forced resolutions. But we now have additional fun figuring out who the actors are. Many are character actors who had long careers. Like Stewart Erwin. We first saw him in The Big Broadcast . (Really, we’re not that old.) Old movies can really be fun—or clunkers—for everyone. Now, with Perry Mason, we get a twofer with each episode—Who Done It and Who Is That.

Ants—Did you know that ants can swim? They can. How did I find out? I picked up one in a piece of tissue, and threw it into the toilet. I didn’t realize that it wasn’t dead. Much to my horror, I watched it swim for a moment, then start to walk up the inside of the bowl. What to do? I rejected the idea of pulling it out by hand. It took 3 flushes to finish it off.

Cemetery Adventures—That’s next on the list. Going to the cemetery is a low risk outdoor activity. I know where my grandparents are buried, but Howard didn’t know where his were buried. I made a few outreaches to local cemeteries where Jews who immigrated to the US had gotten together to buy burial plots early in the 20th century. I hit pay dirt, so to speak. So, now, we can go and visit. We’ll take pictures. Will we find other relatives there? Will we discover information that we don’t know? Are the graves even maintained? Stay tuned—this is next on our agenda.

THINK HARD--ODDBALL DISCOVERIES COME OUT OF ODDBALL TIMES

A LOVELY 4TH OF JULY IN THE FUTURE--AVERY'S WEDDING

It all started with a FaceTime call early one morning last week. Our 4 year old Avery, deep in thought.  “Are you available on the 4th of July? Not the next one. I’m getting married. I’m too little now. When I’m older.”

Bemused, but with all due seriousness, Howard and I replied, “Absolutely! Who are you marrying?”

“Lucas.” (Her friend). 

Of course, the menu was her first task. “We’re having carrots and broccoli. I’m not sure about appetizers” (What does she know from appetizers? For that matter, what does she know about weddings?)

“Only vegetables?” we asked. She smiled broadly and nodded. “There’s something special for the people getting married. Corn on the cob and a chicken leg.” 

“You’ll be a very elegant bride with a chicken leg in one hand and corn on the cob in the other.” She nodded and said “I’ll have 2 white dresses.”  Of course—it’s good to plan for the probable foodstain-on-the-dress scenario. I didn’t tell her then, but she’ll probably need dental floss, too.

Avery always liked my carrots with brown sugar. I offered to make the carrots. She thought for a minute and said “But they have to be roasted. And this big” And she held her hands about 3 inches apart. 

“Why roasted?” I asked.

"Because they taste so good that way.” Okay—I guess that our baby is growing up. Though later, Tracy asked which she liked better. She liked both. But yes, roasted is more elegant for a wedding.

Cory’s fiancee, Judy, has been sublimating all of her creative energy into baking, as have so many during this pandemic. We’ve seen photos of gorgeous croissants, puff pastry, cake. “Avery,” I said, “Aunt Judy’s been baking. Maybe she can bake the wedding cake.” Avery thought about this for a moment. “She can make animals. Not real animals. Little ones with icing and rice crispies.” To make sure that we understood, she used her fingers to show us her preference on size. “Good idea,” Howard said.

“I have to call Grammy about the salad,” and the call ended.

 We spoke with Cory and Judy the next day. Howard and I started to tell them about the wedding. They were a step ahead of us. Cory told us that Avery’d figured out how to dial his number and that she’d called them about 20 times that day already, with requests, instructions and changes to requests. I think that 20 calls was an exaggeration, but knowing Avery’s tenacity and her total absorption in this endeavor, she could have made 20 calls. Cory couldn’t keep track of all of the details, but Judy, ever diligent, had jotted them down. “She wants 3 kinds of cupcakes—all vanilla but with different icings—mint icing, vanilla icing, and chocolate icing. And a cake that has chocolate/vanilla twirl like she’d seen at the ice cream truck.

On our next call, I asked Avery how the wedding planning was going. An evolving project, she’s already changed her dress choice. She’s going to wear a pink dress. And high heels. But she figured out the appetizers and asked me to make chocolate chip pancakes. “Little ones, like this,” as she made a circle with her thumb and forefinger. Okay—Howard and I like creative weddings. Mini chocolate chip pancakes are the perfect way to celebrate—moving away from the standard pigs-in-a- blanket.

Yesterday, Tracy called and told us that Avery wanted to go to Starbucks to get cakepops for Cory and Judy and for us to thank us for helping with the wedding. Avery told Tracy to buy four so we don’t have to share, since we’ll need a snack while we work on the project.

All of us, as well as many friends, have cracked up as we envisioned this wedding. But, we can learn a lot from Avery’s work in progress:

PLAN AHEAD

            ALWAYS DO SOMETHING NICE FOR THOSE WHO ARE KIND TO YOU

MUSINGS

A few months ago, just prior to the COVID outbreak, Howard and I had a terrible experience with Chase Credit Card service. We had a fraudulent $4800 charge. Chase was miserable to deal with, and it took quite a bit of maneuvering to get them to rectify it. I was going to write about the problem and the difficult road I took to resolve it. But now, although people still have similar issues and need to know how to fix them, it just doesn’t seem as pressing when we’re in the midst of this health crisis. Stay tuned—I’ll write about it later. But for now, a few thoughts as we move through our current experience.

On the less urgent side, I’ve found that so many people are yearning for haircuts. I remembered that my sister in law had a Flobee—a home haircutting system—sort of combo razor/vacuum. It had worked for her, so I looked online and found that both Ebay and Amazon have Flobee and a few other home haircut systems. I told one very desperate friend about my research. He ordered a clipper system. It was nice to hear him tell me how happy he was once it arrived and his wife did the job for him. (You, too, can have a new and unexpected experience after 47 years of marriage.) Sometimes, it’s the little things that count. For me, that wouldn’t work with my curls. Right now, I look like something between Einstein and Frankenstein. Our 4 year old Avery has an answer—“Nana, you can brush it or comb it.” Very logical. But this would be tough— my curls grow outward, as well as downward. Little did she know. But, Avery has some good solutions to other current problems.

On FaceTime, Howard, Tracy and I were talking about future dilemmas—how could theaters possibly open and maintain social distance? Avery piped up and said: “I know. People can sit in different rows”. Great answer. Perhaps she should run for president. I have the image in my head—the procession to the inauguration with the incoming president waving to the public from her carseat. 

So, what can we do to keep occupied and balanced now, "gentle reader”? (Charlotte Bronte’s “Jane Eyre”). We can go back to classics and refresh ourselves with a brilliant literary past. Or, if I can ever concentrate, I think that I’ll go back to Noir—pulp fiction from the 30s through the 50s. There’s nothing better than Raymond Chandler, Dashiell Hammett, James M. Cain. There are some great compilations with stories of varying length for readers of varying attention spans. You can also find the movie format. Some great movies were made from that literature—”Dial M for Murder”, “The Lady in the Lake”, “The Maltese Falcon”. Or, on a more mundane level, maybe just reruns of “Law and Order”. One of the few good things about getting older is that we can see something that we’d seen before, but don’t remember so well. With this experience, something old creates a whole new experience—especially the “who done it” part. 

Another friend pointed out that there’s irony in the fact that in normal times, virtual, online activity can keep us apart. In a normal world, while being online can connect us a bit, too frequently, people think that it’s a substitute for reality. But now, with lockdown, being online and virtual can truly connect us. There’s Face Time and Zoom—though I find Zoom a little chaotic. And many museums and community centers have virtual activities that keep people involved with more than who and what’s in their house. Take a look at the various museums—not only in the US, but all over the world. They’re a reminder that beauty still exists and will return.

Of course, humor’s a great uplift. I always smile at the laughing Elvis, breaking up during a performance of “Are You Lonesome Tonight”. Take a look on You Tube--  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoqVFEE1UBY

How about the many people working from home while kids are out of school? We make story time with Avery so that Tracy can have a break (and because we love and miss that child). She particularly likes it when Grandpa reads to her. And she likes my stories about Helen, Ellen and Mellen (maybe Melon—since they’re made up, we haven’t figured out the correct spelling). When Cory and Tracy were little, my in laws took them for a morning. My father in law reported that Tracy said that when she grew up, she would have three children—Helen, Ellen and Mellen. So, I created stories about the three girls. Sometimes I plan them; sometimes I wing it. One morning, after we’d cleaned and gone for a walk, Howard and I were a bit tired. But we needed to step up to the plate when Tracy and Avery called for an impromptu story time. For some reason, all I could think of was a story from my childhood. Uncertain about whether it was appropriate, I gave it a shot—with disclaimers. “Promise me that you'll never do this; Nana shouldn’t have done it; I wouldn’t do it now.” And so I told the story about how around age 12, at summer camp, the girls in the bunk older than ours would tease and bully us constantly. One day, Carol Shore went too far. As I sat playing jacks and drinking chocolate milk with my friend, Susan, I’d had it when Carol started to taunt us. Without thinking, I threw the chocolate milk in her face. (Contents only—not the paper cup.) I was pretty surprised that I did that—not my typical modus operandi. Carol (and my friend, Susan) were stunned. As Carol’s bunk watched, and my bunk watched, I became the new heroine. Carol and her cohorts never bothered us again. Avery liked the story. I repeated the disclaimers. Very calmly and with great wisdom, she said “You were only a kid”. Again, Avery For President.

And, as always, don’t forget to be a good consumer. Many car insurers are offering discounts because people aren’t driving so much during the “shelter in place” order. Check out your insurance and possible discount. And AAA and AARP have courses for drivers over 55. Taking the course can yield an insurance discount. Boring, but now’s the time. And it never hurts to save money. 

And so, we march on, doing what we can to stay sane, knowing that life will gradually go back to normal.

STAY SAFE, ALL!

CVS—GAMING THE SYSTEM

When Cory and Tracy went to overnight camp in the summer, they told me that if there were an award for the parent who wrote the most letters, I would win. I wrote almost every day. While camp has many lessons to teach, I thought that I’d add a few of my own. I’d include”The Word of the Day”, newspaper articles. And “Poisonous Quotes” —you never know when you’ll need a zinger. (Source- The Guinness Book of Poisonous Quotes, Compiled by Colin Jarman). So, take a look at what a camp letter would look like now:

Dear Cory,

Dad and I were so happy to see you on Parent Day. The walk to the lake was beautiful, though it was a challenge to avoid all of the bear poop—not to mention the need to be on the lookout for bears. And I don’t think that I’ll ever understand archery. You and Tracy did a good job. I know—my attempt at it was pretty feeble. Pulling the bow back, only to have the arrow drop at my feet looked ridiculous. I guess that it’s a good sport, though less useful than some. If you decide to live in New York after college, it wouldn’t be a good idea to protect yourself at night by carrying a bow and arrow. It’s unwieldy, and you could get stopped by a cop. Imagining that picture, I’m cracking up.

Dad and I haven’t had many adventures since I last wrote. Mundane as it may sound, we did have a money saving adventure at CVS. CVS prices are way too high. But if you game the system, you can really save money. Aside from sales and manufacturer’s coupons, the secret is looking through the CVS coupons. Combining them can be the key to big savings. For example, there can be a coupon for a percentage off of all non-sale items, as well as coupons for specific items, such as dollars off of soap in general, plus dollars off of specific soap brands. The coupons arrive via mail, email, and miles of paper on the store receipt. Going through this can be a pain because it’s real work to keep track. But the big advantage: On our last trip, we saved $23 in coupons. A lipstick that was overpriced at $15.49 went down to $6.96. A $15.29 face cream was free after all of the discounts and coupons. We paid 28 cents for a bottle of Palmolive that was priced at $1.99. I guess that the lesson here is that sometimes, the worst option can be the best option. I’m guessing that this is boring to you now, but you can use it in the future.

Tell me what you think about the newspaper article I’m enclosing about the theft of the Mona Lisa in 1911. Can you believe that Picasso and Apollinaire were suspects and that Picasso threw Apollinaire under the bus?

Word of the Day:  Ambivalent—having or showing simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings toward something or someone (Merriam Webster dictionary online). Used in a sentence—I’m ambivalent about shopping at CVS.

Poisonous Quote of the Day—“I think the American people want a solemn ass for president. And I think I’ll go along with them.”  (Calvin Coolidge)  Some things never change. (Mom)

Love,

Mom

TODAY’S WORD IS AMBIVALENT. SOMETIMES, BEING AMBIVALENT CAN STILL SAVE YOU MONEY

American Airlines---AGAIN

The news was on in our house this morning. Sort of our version of white noise, though less calming.

An American Airlines story caught our attention. A man was seated in the last row of a plane. His seat didn’t recline. He was disturbed by the passenger in front of him, who had her seat reclining far into his space. He asked her to move her seat up so that he could eat his meal. The woman obliged. When the meal was finished, she resumed her full reclining position. Apparently, the man started to punch the back of her seat. The woman complained to a flight attendant, who apparently sided with the squished man. There is a video, but it’s difficult to see what really happened. The woman is saying that she may sue the airline and that she suffered physical harm from the incident. If you Google it, you can see the video, as well as articles written on several news outlets.

So, who was right and who was wrong? No one escapes culpability here. On the one hand, the woman should have had some consideration for the squished man, and perhaps she could have put her seat back less completely to give him a little more room. The squished man seems a bit brutal if he really punched her seat hard and repeatedly. Bottom line here is that the whole situation is lacking in civility on both sides. And whose fault is that? Well, I don’t think that I’d want either passenger as my friend, or as my fellow flyer. But, ultimately, the fault lies with American Airlines. They’ve been on a mission to add seats and decrease space between seat rows for quite a while. And the consequent discomfort brings out the worst in many people.

What would you do in a situation like this? There aren’t too many options. But I’m pretty sure that I know what I’d do. Feel free to guess.

GREED + INDIFFERENCE TO CUSTOMER COMFORT = CORPORATE DOMINANCE/POOR CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE 

#AmericanAirlines

QUICK TIP--DEALING WITH MISINFORMATION

I’ve been driving the dirtiest car around. I affectionately call it my dirtmobile. I’m not a dirt aficionado, but I’m afraid that if I wash my car, we’ll have snow, and it will be my fault. I know it sounds crazy. Actually, it is crazy. So, it was time to have the car washed.

My auto dealership gives wash coupons when a customer brings the car in for service. Since I’d had service a couple of months ago, I had a coupon I hadn’t used. It was out of date by about 6 weeks. In the past, the date never mattered. The carwash would just take the coupon to send to the dealer for payment after they’d washed the car. This time, my regular guy wasn’t there. Instead, I found that Cerberus, the hound who guards the Gates of Hell, was on duty that day. He looked at the expired date and told me that he couldn’t take the coupon. I explained that dates never mattered, and the dealer would still reimburse. And, if there had been a change in policy, I could talk to the dealership to get him paid based on prior policy and no warning of change. Cerberus merely continued to bark. So, I chose the $7 Exterior Only wash, rather than the $22 Interior/Exterior wash and held onto my coupon.

After the wash, I drove to the dealership. I told my sad little tale to a Service associate. He confirmed that the expiration date didn’t matter—they’d pay whenever the coupon was sent back from the carwash. And he agreed to call Cerberus and explain this to him. He also gave me an extra wash coupon. 

I’m getting tired of arguing with “know-nothings”. Why should I be penalized by sub-standard information and service? Obviously, you know that I won’t let that happen. And neither should you.

IF YOU’RE GETTING INFORMATION THAT DOESN’T SOUND RIGHT, DON’T TAKE IT AT FACE VALUE--CHECK IT OUT AND GET IT FIXED.

BED BATH AND WAAAAAY BEYOND

I use Bed Bath and Beyond for so many errands. (Moving forward, abbreviated to BB&B, for succinctness, and to avoid confusion with BBB, Better Business Bureau). Mostly, I use the Beyond. We don’t need Bed, Bath so often, but cleaning items, kitchen items, drugstore items—BB&B has them, and they generally have decent prices and coupons.

We have a BB&B conveniently located 5 minutes from our house. However, customer service is abominable. Constantly. This sort of cancels out the geographic convenience. When it generally takes more than 20 minutes just to get through checkout, it may be worth jumping in the car to drive to the next BB&B. Other disgruntled customers and I have started what could possibly become lifelong relationships commiserating with each other. I’m a little worn out, so I’ve done a little cheerleading (with brief instruction) to get other customers to go up the ladder to rectify the situations. Hey—I can’t do it all.

The biggest problem—The cashiers are generally in slow motion, with no oversight by management. And although I like the coupons, when a customer has a gazillion of them, and the cashier scans them in slow motion, the customer eye rolling game starts. I’ve also watched customers standing at Customer Service forever, trying to return an item. Handy Hint—if you give the cashier the card that was used to purchase the item, they can scan that card and find the purchase so that they can document for return, even if you don’t have a receipt. Another Handy Hint—if you’re paying cash, it may be a good idea to hold onto the receipt for a little while until you decide if you like what you bought. Put it beside the item or anywhere else where where it can be easily found. I do this especially for sunscreen and hair care. I buy La Roche Posay sunscreens. Haircare—suffice it to say that the older I get, the more exotic the products necessary to make me look less like a cartoon figure who stuck a finger in a light socket. Since these items are expensive, if I have the right coupons—store, manufacturer, etc., I can get the products for a decent price. So, I stock up.

What to do about the awful wait times at my local BB&B? The best option would be to call a Regional Manager or the Executive office, or even just a general Customer Service number to get to the right person so that they can get some oversight going and hopefully, train staff to do better. Did I do that? No. Why not? Because sometimes, I have other things to do, and it just isn’t worth my time. Will this be my ongoing persona? Of course not. Remember, I’m the Maurinator. But for now, I’m jumping on the highway to the next BB&B, or shopping elsewhere. Until something moves me to go upward to find a fix. Or, maybe a fix happened because someone—maybe one of you—spoke up.

I hope that I’m not disappointing anyone. But, if I am, sorry—sometimes, I have to pick my battles and preserve my energy for the bigger stuff..

SPEAK UP TO ACCOMPLISH CHANGE. IF IT’S JUST NOT WORTH IT, DON’T COMPLAIN—JUST FIND ANOTHER RESOURCE AND ENCOURAGE SOMEONE ELSE TO SPEAK UP

QUICK TIP--ASK THE RIGHT QUESTION AND YOU CAN SAVE MONEY

Although many would disagree with me, silence is rarely golden, especially when it comes to looking at charges for services. Recently, I saved $90 with two simple questions. Behold:

Howard and I had annual car service and inspection appointments a week apart. Howard went first. We had a coupon for $50 off of a service. This included the inspection. When he presented the coupon, his bill went from $113 to $63. $50 savings is nice. I went for my appointment a week later. The coupon had expired and had also been used. Did that stop me from trying for a reasonable deal? Of course not! I told the service rep about the coupon, Howard’s bill, and asked him to match the $63 price. My thought process—the coupon was a dealer coupon, and I doubted that they would send out a coupon that would result in a ding in their financial wellbeing. As a matter of fact, the full charge seemed a bit high without the coupon. Did I have to argue? Not at all. The rep smiled, agreed to the discount, and I walked out with the same $63 bill that Howard had been charged. If I had stuck to rigid rules—a single coupon, expired—I would be out $50. It’s always a good idea to question, even if there seems to be a rule. It’s kind of like Bed Bath and Beyond coupons. They have expiration dates, but the store ignores them. I usually ignore rules if they don’t make sense. And most of the time, things go better when I do.

Then, there was the new phone a few weeks later. AT&T has made the real purchase cost a bit more transparent. There are no more “deals”, where the advertised cost is $199, but you find that you pay a monthly fee forever on a higher charge. Now, they just tell you the real cost, and still charge the monthly fee until the full charge is paid. I appreciate the transparency. I don’t appreciate the avarice. When I needed a new phone, I was about to leave after finishing the transaction. Wait a minute—what happens to my old phone? It was a bit slow, but still physically intact and not dead. I asked about a trade-in credit. The rep replied that she could take the old phone for $40. If I hadn’t asked, I’d have a useless phone, and AT&T would have my $40. I probably shouldn’t be so jaded, but I wonder about an ulterior AT&T motive and think that the rep should have talked about trade in without my having to ask. But, ask I did, so I walked out $40 to the good.

SILENCE NEVER YIELDS RESULTS. SO THINK THINGS THROUGH, QUESTION, QUESTION, QUESTION AND SAVE MONEY!

ATTACKED BY A PRETZEL

Breaking News—Howard was attacked by a pretzel. Really!

Howard is a pretzel connoisseur. He looks for new pretzel experiences, always on the prowl. It’s kind of like wine tasting, except that you don’t spit it out. He was delighted to find a new pretzel, Hard Sourdough, by Tom Sturgis. But he didn’t anticipate the danger in this new product. One bite, and he found that instead of delicate bouquet (or whatever you would call the pretzel equivalent of fine wine), he had a very hard shell to conquer. As he took a bite, the jagged hard edge cut into the roof of his mouth! Not bad enough to go to the Emergency Room, but enough to draw real blood.

You may wonder, where’s the consumer problem in this little vignette? Well, here it is--does a good consumerist stay quiet and simply throw out the bag? No. Why should we pay for a faulty product? Since I was going to the supermarket anyway, I took the bag back to the store. I explained that my husband had been injured by a pretzel. The woman at the customer service desk asked if he was alright and whether I wanted to file an incident report. I thanked her for her concern, but declined her offer, and simply accepted a refund plus a voucher for a discount on that day's purchase. Will the $7 refund make or break us? Of course not. But what the hell—defect is defect, and return is reasonable, especially if I’m not spending too much time on it.

IF YOUR FAVORITE FOOD IS A PRETZEL, BUT YOU’RE ATTACKED BY ONE, YOU MAY WANT TO SWITCH TO MARSHMALLOWS

THE BEST WAY TO GET A BUSINESS TO RESPOND IS...

Anyone who owns a home knows that the only thing that you can expect on a regular basis is the unexpected. Whenever I’m on the phone, I wander through the house as I talk, noticing all sorts of little house issues—a mark on the wall, a crack in the grout. Although the little things can make me nuts, I have to remind myself that these are not major issues-- everyone has them, and I should focus on the bigger things. So, when the bigger things happened recently, we focused.

The biggest problem was the patio door. It was very difficult to open the door, and the lock was iced over on the inside. Time for a new handle/locking system. Our door was made by a company that guarantees their products for life. Yes, for life. Howard called the company. Oh, yes, the guarantee still stands. But they discontinued this lock. They would supply a new door with their new model lock. Very nice—we just had to get someone to install it. That’s where the problem began.

We found several local contractors who half heartedly said that they could install the door. But finding good service isn’t always as easy as it once was—Angie’s list or no Angie’s list. One contractor wouldn’t accept delivery; the door would have to be delivered to us. That wouldn’t work because the door was huge. Another company wouldn’t take away the old door. Really?! What would we do with a large door that we don’t need?! We finally found a contractor that was a local distributor for our manufacturer. That’s where the next problem began.

The contractor sent an eager beaver salesperson out to give us an installation price. Despite the fact that we were clear about the fact that the manufacturer was supplying the door, the salesperson tried to sell us a new door. After too long, he finally gave us an estimate for installation only—$4200! Forget that! First, we tried to go through supervisors to get an appropriate price. After a little haggling, we were nowhere. So we were prepared to continue our search for a contractor. Before we could start that journey, we found resolution in an email.

After the sales call, we received an email from the contractor. The president of the company sent a pro forma survey. How would we rate our experience? Zut Alors! Here’s my chance to resolve the problem! After completing the survey, I made good use of the comments section. I wrote a simple but powerful sentence: “You probably want to talk to me before I post my negative review online.” That got their attention. The next day, we received a call from the president and the general manager. After hearing my tale of woe, they offered to do the installation for $850, their cost. That’s a savings of $3350! We’ll probably spend it on the next house project, but that’s an issue for another day.

DON’T IGNORE SURVEYS. WRITE THOSE REVIEWS. THEY CAN BE POWERFUL TOOLS FOR PROBLEM RESOLUTION

QUICK TIP--CONTRACT RENEWALS/SAVING MONEY

.April—time for flowers to bloom, sun to shine and chill to subside. And, time for auto coverage and cable contracts to renew.

Our annual auto insurance policy arrived early. We’ve been lucky to have found a great insurance agent, on whom we depend for optimal coverage and appropriate pricing. As I checked this renewal policy, I noticed that our insurance company wasn’t celebrating our retirement as we had. They still had us commuting to work. I consulted with our agent. He also noticed that our insurer hadn’t had a party for us, and in fact, had continued to calculate our premium with a car commuting factor. So, he went back to the company to have that adjusted—which saved us a few hundred dollars.

Our cable contract would also roll over in a few weeks. I had made a note on the calendar to check promotions. Note to self and to all of you—-keep track of rollover, or you will probably be surprised with rate increases—special promotions usually aren’t automatic. When I spoke with the cable company representative, she assured me that she could extend our $20/month customer loyalty discount for another year. (Duly noted on the December page of the 2018 calendar, so that I can transpose to next year’s calendar.) But, there would be a $10 rate increase. Wait a minute—$10 increase isn’t consistent with a continued $20 credit. That means only a $10 credit, so we’d be paying more. This was especially annoying when the rep couldn’t explain the disconnect, other than to say that there was a rate increase. I probed intently for best price/special promotions. After too long, exasperated, I called one of my escalated contacts. If I didn’t have the contact, I would have simply asked for a manager, of course. The contact knew our history with the company, and arranged deletion of the new $10 increase. Since the call had taken over 3/4 hour, I felt that my time should be compensated, especially given the stonewall by the initial rep. My contact agreed, and added a $50 courtesy credit. So, I saved $170 for the year. Not bad—though not as good as the good old days when TV cost was simply electricity and the cost of the TV. But, those days are long gone, unfortunately. Sometimes, so are the days of customer service, though you, as an informed and persistent consumer, have the power to bring that one back.

KEEP TABS ON SERVICE CONTRACT ROLLOVERS AND SAVE MONEY

SUNSCREEN ON A SNOWY DAY

Today is a depressing snowy day. At least it is for me, since I hate snow and winter. What can I do since I’m stuck inside? 

Howard and I can watch a movie or catch up on old Perry Mason episodes. They sort of hold up, and it’s a bit of a hoot to look at the acting credits and see actors whom we know from later work in their early roles. Or, I can do something productive, like clean out the Tupperware cabinet. No, I’m not going to do that. It would only aggravate my already bad mood, as lids and bottoms come flying out as soon as I open the cabinet door. I can clean out my makeup museum. The process involves looking for the little symbols that tell you how long the product lasts after it’s opened. My near eyesight is pretty good, but some of those symbols are so tiny that they require reading glasses. I rarely use reading glasses, so it annoys me when the symbols are that small. (Though I’m not as bad as Howard—he needs reading glasses even for the more readable ones. But his distance vision is in the Superman range. I guess that you could say that for eyesight, between the two of us, we’re one person.) If I really want to do the cosmetics cleanup correctly, I also have to smell every product, especially lipstick. After a while, and sniffing at so many tubes, I start to get dizzy. And since I’m stuck in the house, I made a brisket. The whole house smells like brisket, so that could be a problem when I try to smell lipstick.  I did throw out 7 lipsticks earlier this week, so that was productive. It would have been 8, but I have a 15 year old lipstick from Paris, and can’t bear to part with it, so have left it there until it will become an antique. Okay—I’m getting a little batty here. So, I’ll focus on sunscreen.

I’ve been using my favorite brand of facial sunscreen for years. I love it, but the last two bottles smelled very funky. I went online and read reviews, quite a few of which mentioned the smell. I had never had that problem in the past. I took one bottle back to CVS. And I called the manufacturer about the other one. CVS treats you like a criminal if you have an old receipt or no receipt. Although I shop there often and had the receipt, they wanted a driver’s license for this return and they stared at me and the product for quite a while before doing the return. (CVS is a topic for another day—their prices are too high, but it is possible to save money with promotions and coupons.) When I called the manufacturer about the other bottle, they were very willing to send me a full refund, despite the fact that I had thrown the bottle away. Quick tip—if possible, it’s best to take a bad product back to the store or send it to the manufacturer so that they can address quality control.

When I looked at the sunscreen online reviews, one person talked about the smell, but also said that she felt bad that she had spent so much on this product, but couldn’t return it because she had already opened it. Wrong! There is almost always a way to return a faulty item, regardless of condition, if you have a legitimate issue. Sometimes it seems impossible, but it’s usually not. For example, I had purchased a cake that we really hadn’t liked. At $10 for this small cake, the store should know about our dissatisfaction. But I had to throw the cake away, since I wouldn’t get back to that market for a couple of weeks. Since I had just bought it, I kept the receipt, brought it to the store a few weeks later, and they gave me a credit, even without the product. Or, take the case of the toilet bowl brush that rusted the floor. I had bought a name brand brush that had a metal holder. After a few weeks, I noticed a red stain on the floor. Rust! I scrubbed the area, and fortunately, the rust came off. But, the brush had to go. Dilemma—I couldn’t take a used toilet brush into a store. That would be disgusting! So I went to the store with the receipt and explained the problem. They asked me for the brush. Really! I explained that I had thrown it away, since I didn’t think that they’d want me to hand a contaminated toilet brush to the cashier, or to put it on a supposedly clean counter. No, they needed the brush. EEEEEW! No refund? Of course that didn’t work for me. I contacted the manufacturer, who told me to choose several items on their website, and they would send them to me as compensation. 

HAVE A FAULTY PRODUCT? ARE YOU JUST STUCK WITH THE COST AND NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT? NOT REALLY—JUST SPEAK UP AND YOU’LL GENERALLY FIND A RESOLUTION

AND ALWAYS WEAR SUNSCREEN, EVEN ON A SNOWY DAY